You need to stop giving me these weird signs. Or start giving me signs. Or I need to stop wanting signs from you. How can you look at me that way all night and push me away a day later? How do you do it? How do you have all this power over me? How are you slowly tearing my heart bit by bit from miles away and months apart? My sanity is vanishing and my head is pounding and my hands are shaking and my lips are trembling. I need you to stop leading me on. You’re making me feel like I’m the one standing in my own way. It’s frustrating and frankly it’s not fair.

Everything always goes wrong around my birthday. It’s like a curse. For once I’d like to have a day for myself. One day of the fucking year, when I don’t have to listen to my nagging mother and father or do any work or care about school. I just want a break day when I don’t have to deal with other peoples problems. For as long as I’ve known myself, I’ve always tried to make people I care about happy, so maybe someday I could receive some of that happiness back. I exist too. Can’t I get a day to celebrate that? My existence may not mean anything to others, but it matters to me. I matter. I want to celebrate the fact I’ve made it alive to this day, celebrate it with the people who’ve watched me grow at my best moments. How is it possible that the only person who’s meant to make me happy always seems to want to take it away?

Ok. So you give me permission to have a party. Now you bitch about how I’m not supposed to have this many friends. Please alert me of the day you get your brain back.